The Widow Who Can’t Get a Date
I hope I was successful at building up your excitement and intrigue; because I have nothing exciting to report! See, I bring you up just to bring right back down. Just like internet dating! No, I am not dating and haven’t been on a date. I would say this is 50% due to the horrible men on dating sites and 50% because I am being extremely picky! You would be surprised at how many guys have all selfies as their 6 pictures. Bathroom selfies. Shirtless selfies. Car selfies. Couch selfies.
I’m not sure I can set my eyes on another bathroom selfie.
The world of internet dating has changed so much in 8 years. To rewind a bit, I met George on Match.com 8 years ago. That was when we would have to log onto our computers to review and respond to our matches. Ancient, I know!
Well, now you have a choice to join a site that has a desktop version and an app to accompany it or an app where you simply swipe right or left. I decided to start off with the familiar Match.com. I was absolutely mortified and discouraged within my first few days. I was berated with emails from men way outside of my preferences. Men 20 years older than me, 20 years younger and men who were completely opposite from what I listed as must-haves in profile. I quickly realized this was not for me. I was ready to give up when a good friend of mine suggested an app called Bumble.
Oh, Bumble and I have developed a love-hate relationship.
With Bumble, you swipe right if you like the guy and left if you don’t. Just FYI, I did this wrong for the first 2 weeks! What I absolutely love about this app is the woman makes the first move. Once you are matched the woman sends the first message and you wait up 24 hours to hear back. If you don’t hear back they disappear. I have sent about 30 messages and have had three men respond. THREE. THREE. Yes, I said only three. The problem with this app is many people only look at your pictures and then swipe according to your looks and never read what you say about yourself (referred to as your bio). So when you are matched, they finally read your bio to see what they can talk to you about. I guess once they read what I have to say they are no longer interested. I want to shout it’s their loss, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t sting. It doesn’t just sting, it hurts my heart.
Things are about to get really vulnerable.
Is it that I have kids? Is it that my faith is important to me? Is it that I have one arm? To be honest I have no clue what I would say to a guy once we went on a first date anyway. Hi, there are a few things I failed to mention in my profile. For example, I have 3 kids (I never specified the number), I am a widow, I live in my parent's basement and I don’t have a job. When I say that out loud I start to doubt myself. So I have been on this app off and on since February and am really not sure internet dating or apps are for me.
What now? Where do I go from here?
Dating apps put me in a precarious situation with my current circumstance. I’m not able to come across as the confident woman I am. I don’t have the opportunity to tell my entire story. That I am not working because my kids need me and I live at home because I need my parents to help. My only other option is to ask friends to set me up with someone they know. This way they can explain everything to them and if they are interested then we can give it a try!
Sounds perfect, right?
Wrong.
My friends have no single friends. I honestly do not have a friend who knows any good, single guys.
So, at this point, I am waiving my white flag! SOS! Help me! I refuse to believe I will be single forever or there is nobody else for me. It’s discouraging and depressing but I will not give up on love!
I REFUSE to give up on love!
Do you have any dating tips to share? What are your favorite dating apps? Please share in the comments below!
Hugs Allison! 1. You are a beautiful writer. 2. Your heart shows through your words and transparency. 3. Needing and loving your parents is not a bad thing. It is a parent's joy to be able to help their children, be needed, and share life with the people they love most. Look at your own children...wouldn't you do the same? Society has certain norms - finish high school, finish college, get a job, get married, have 2.5 children...this isn't the pattern for everyone...and that's OK. Your journey is your journey. And yes, your struggles are real - but so is everything you have to offer - your beauty, your brains, your heart, your love. Keep writing, praying, being you.
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